Funeral Ceremonies

It is a privilege to undertake the role of a celebrant for a person’s/ your loved ones Funeral, and I would be honoured to do so.

It is a time of shock, sadness and much grief. The funeral is aiming to honour the life & contribution of the person who has died, to offer a sense of their meaning to you, to family & friends but to also allow it to be a time of mourning for those remaining.

There are many aspects to consider with funerals :-
Who is organising the funeral, the persons wishes and beliefs, the circumstances of their death, cremation or burial?, choosing a funeral director/home, timelines, location, who to involve, who will give the eulogy, style, finances, private or public, notifications …

I can help to guide and focus you with this process.

Locations can be at a chapel at the cemetery, funeral directors, with ceremony and burial at different locations or a graveside ceremony only, with attendance at these as part of my role.

Or a ceremony can done when the cremated ashes are scattered at the time of the funeral or at a later stage.

Type of Ceremony
I offer a wide variety of philosophical / cultural / spiritual / religious style of ceremonies & options including completely non-religious (secular) approaches, in accordance with yours and your loved ones beliefs, personality, their lifestyle and values.

I can work with the funeral home and/or other parties involved. According to your preferences, I can also work with religious organisations & representatives / Ministers / Priests / Iman’s / or any spiritual input or secular philosophy you feel is important e.g. Buddhist or Pagan blessing; political or organisational participation, as part of the funeral. I can collaborate with other styles of funerals which are now more common e.g. green/environmental funeral.

The gathering or ritual may be less formal funeral, it may be a memorial done later without the persons actual body (this may be due to a variety of reasons and circumstances ), it may be in chapel, at a graveside, in the outdoors, a park, the person’s favourite place … I am flexible and can cater for your needs.

Typical Funeral format 30 mins usually:

Entrance Music
 Introduction /Opening Words by Celebrant
Words of Comfort/Thoughts on life and death
 Eulogy/ies
 Reflection Time to Music
Words of Committal/Closing Words
 Blessing – Rest in Peace and our love will remain with you always!
Closing Music
The announcement & location of the Wake or post funeral gathering.

Readings & Symbols
I can offer resources such as readings, symbols, poems, music and ideas for what you may wish to include e.g. release of balloons, lighting of candles, audio-visual photos.

Eulogy
The following is an outline of a Eulogy. This illustrates the person’s life, and aids the grieving process. This can be done by the celebrant after consultation with all the relevant family /friends, & I can deliver the eulogy on behalf of everyone concerned, if this is what you wish or guide you in developing yours. The balance of my contribution is up to you. Family members, friends and colleagues can of course participate, offering their words, tributes to the deceased person, in their own unique way & sharing about the time they spent with the deceased person.

Usually 5 mins in length.
Inform fellow mourners your relationship to the deceased
A brief history including birth date, place of birth, parents, grandparents, siblings.
Where did they go to school?
Where did they grow up? What was their childhood like?
Did they marry or not? If so When and where? & for how long?
If any Children and grandchildren? Nieces Nephews?
Significant relationships
Friendships
Professional and career accomplishments
Significant life accomplishments.
Values & philosophies, religious /spiritual beliefs or perspectives
Qualities and character
Community service
Social & Political ideals
How they affected others’ lives.
What have they taught you, their family and others
Personal interests, hobbies, skills
Retell the deceased’s life story which can be humorous & uplifting by using funny quotes, their quirky traits, sayings and stories.
It is recommended to leave the emotional elements for the end of the eulogy
Say farewell to deceased from you and the family
If however the memories are not so pleasant then it is advisable to tell the story of the deceased person’s general life from the birth to their final last breath. A reading or an appropriate poem or asking the celebrant to prepare a eulogy, maybe more comfortable.

The committal
Chosen traditional but personalised words are said when the coffin is lowered into the crematorium chamber or the grave, and people stand to honour this moment.

Other considerations and practical parts of the funeral/memorial ceremony:

Guest book & Pen – very meaningful to the family members that records the attendance of fellow mourners
Items to be placed on the coffin e.g. photos , flowers , religious, or membership associations items, certificates, symbols, personal items …
Table – to display special remembrances, photographs, candles, flowers and other memorabilia during the service. Take time in deciding and gathering these items.
Order of Service Booklet – a special printed booklet or bookmark for guests to have as a memento.
Simply a picture of your dearly deceased loved one with their full name or nickname, birth and death dates, the order of service and any poems.
Memorial Cards – guests may wish to write some private words about grief and pain, memories, love of the deceased, thanks for the gift of sharing their lives and hope for the future.
Envelopes for Donation to Charity

As the celebrant, I will aim to assist you to work with you all this work with you through these decisions, to be adaptable, efficient but caring. I will meet with you as soon as practicable and work with you until you are satisfied with the ceremony to be conducted, doing this face to face via phone, email as required.
I aim to be supportive and aware of all these needs using my Pastoral Care, Social work & spiritual experience to be a listener , to offer options, but being led by you ( and the wishes of the deceased person if that is known) and overall, recognising that a funeral is for those who remain. They need to grieve, feel, respond, offer and participate in the rituals & ceremony around dying and death to truly embrace the loss. Thus, I can offer support for any distressed participants at the funeral.

Those involved in a funeral may or may not be immediate family or those nearest or closest to the person, there can be step- families, long term differences & other circumstances to consider .There can be many sensitivities and delicacies, confusion, high emotions, difficulty in decision making & how much to be’ real & honest’, at the time of a death. Some funeral or memorials can be particularly delicate and difficult e.g. death of a young child, a still born baby, after a struggle with cancer, a person dying before their time, someone ending their own life…. these I can support you with my appropriate core skills of listening, honouring grief, being with you, working at your pace, with adaptability, being non-judgmental and open to however you are feeling.

With my many years of Social Work, Pastoral care, Interfaith Ministry & Celebrancy experience I can professionally manage all these complexities.

Choosing you own celebrant or that offered by the funeral home are decisions you need to make, but many people are not aware they do have this choice. The Funeral Directors will tend to direct you & pay a set rate to their own handful of celebrants, but you can choose an independent celebrant, like myself, who can offer adaptability, wide choice and personalised approaches.